Iris
by Lynne Lewis
Summary: i own none of the songs used to inspire these chapters...i only own Rebecca, wish i had Jonathan, but one can only dream...: plz r
1. Chapter 1

I watched him as he slept. My best friend he had been in the past two or three weeks. I couldn't help but notice that he still held his boyish charm while he was asleep. I rode beside him on a camel in the rich, golden sand by day, and lay beside him in the cold, blue sand by night.

His sister and my friend from college, Evelyn, was resting her head on Rick O'Connell's shoulder. She was near sleep from the tiring experience we had left behind us, buried in the ruins of Hamunaptra. Raising Imhotep, fighting him off, and then finally destroying him, was tiring in itself, considering that Imhotep was in fact a mummy.

I got up from my place beside Jonathan Carnahan and sat in front of the fire, breaking up some small twigs and throwing them into the fiery blaze just to watch them crackle. A cold breeze came through to toy with the fire's dying embers and chill my slightly sunburned skin. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and looked up.

"Hey," Jon said softly, so as not to wake up Rick and Evy. "Watcha doin'?" he said in his best American accent, which was kind of bad to say the least. I usually took humor in his futile attempts to make fun of mine and Rick's accents, but tonight was different.

"Thinking, playing with fire, the usual," I replied dryly, without looking back at him, breaking another twig to throw into the fire.

"Mind if I join you? It is a bit cold over there since you got up," he said with a snort of a laugh.

Still staring into the flames, I said, "Sure. Have a seat."

"What's wrong, girl? You haven't said much since dinner."

"I was just playing over a song in my head, and I guess I just got caught up in it is all. Music stirs my soul, gives me life, and I suppose that when the lyrics hit home pretty hard, you just have to shut up and think for a bit."

"Well, would you want go for a walk and talk about it? The stars are awfully beautiful tonight. I'm all ears," he said, turning me to face him.

"Well, I'd rather just stay here, if we were gonna talk. If you get lost, your sister will kill me," I said with a low chuckle.

"Ah, I see. Well, we are here. What do you want to talk about?" he asked, grabbing a stick from the pile of twigs between us and proceeded to break it apart to throw into the fire.

That was a good question, and I proceeded to tell him so. "I really don't know. I have a lot on my mind, and the whole mummy thing was just crazy. I wouldn't want to go around destroying mummies for the rest of my life, but I have to admit that it was a lot of fun. Much more so than whatever they call that in college."

He laughed at this, and encouraged me to go on and tell him whatever was on my mind. I smiled to the fire as I thought of what I should start with. "You know, I never thought I would meet anybody like you," I started whilst staring into the flames. Since we first came out here, you were so nice to me. I guess that I couldn't really bring myself to trust it, because, well, let's just say that when men are nice to me, I start to run away. But I knew that I couldn't just leave Evy like that. She invited me and I was going to stick it out, just keep my distance. As we got to know each other a bit better at Hamunaptra, you and me ended up together more and more often. I don't know if you even noticed, but I did. I made sure that we were only thought of as friends.

You know, I made it my duty in life to make sure nobody found that there was a 'softy' side to me. I carry a gun, I fight, I drink, I swear from time to time. It just fit I guess, and back there when you had that scarab in your arm, I don't know why but I just couldn't watch Rick take it out. I don't mind blood; it doesn't bother me at all. What bothered me was that YOU were being eaten from the inside; that YOU were in pain. That YOU could possibly die.

You see, Evy doesn't even know this. You have become my best friend. The fact that the rest of the world doesn't know this doesn't help either. The world sees me as a person incapable of love, but really, I'm just quite out of practice," I said as I finally looked up from the fire into his blue eyes. He was sitting there beside me, very thoughtful as his eyes studied mine. "The world thinks that I can feel no pain, no emotion; that I am not alive," I finished as I took my knife out of my pocket, and handed it to Jonathan.

He looked at the large, open buck knife in his hand, and then looked back at me. "What's all this about?" he asked carefully.

"Jon, I want you to cut a slit in my arm. I want to know that I am alive!"

"WHAT! What is this song that you were talking about earlier?"

"It's called "Iris". I don't know who sings it, all I know is the words."

"What are the words?" he asked gently.

I took a deep breath and recited the words of the song that had been ever present in my head since we left Hamunaptra.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you,

Cause I know that you feel me somehow.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,

And all I can breathe is your life,

And sooner or later it's over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,

Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,

Or the moment of the truth in your lies.

When everything feels like the movies,

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,

Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am."

"Oh, Rebecca. You don't have to do that. You don't have to prove anything to the world, or me or Evy or even Rick!"

"I know that, Jon. I have to prove it to myself. After so long of hearing something, you start to believe that it's true. It's just one of those things that I just have to do. And, its not like its gonna be a big cut or anything. I just want to know. Know that I'm alive," I replied, choosing my words carefully as I stared back into the fire.

"Question. Why didn't you do this already? Why wait till now? Why ask me to do it? Why not do it yourself?"

"You said 'question,' meaning only one, not four. And I don't know why I waited till now to do this. Maybe I just wanted a witness, I don't know. All I know is that this song has too much meaning for me to let it go, and I kind of like you. As a best friend, yes, and maybe just a little more than that. I don't know."

"Well, as your best friend I would advise you to find an alternative means of figuring out if you are alive or not," he said as he turned my face and gave me a wink.

I laughed a little at this, but I couldn't help but notice that there was a pang of guilt behind his eyes. "Jon, I just want you to know who I am," I said as I took the knife from him. I felt the edge of it, and just barely nicked the skin of my arm. Red liquid came forth from the small wound. I sighed in relief and Jonathan put an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry you had to do that, girl. I'm here if you need me," I more felt him say than heard, as my ear was firmly pressed against his chest. "Were you worried that you were the undead?" he asked.

I looked at my arm where I had cut it, and used my knife to rake away the blood. I didn't answer him. I held my knife over the fire to clean the blood off. One lone drop of blood fell to the fiery depths of the burning embers and I knew that I was alive for once. I opened my mouth wide in a yawn and snuggled closer to Jonathan. "You tired?" he asked me a moment later as we stared into the fire. I nodded into his chest and we still sat there a moment longer, neither one wanting this moment to end.

"You tired?" I asked, not looking at his face, but at his left hand where the scarab had eaten into his flesh. I took his hand gently and held it.

"Yes, a little, but sleep can wait. This is nice," he said, looking into the fire. He squeezed my hand a bit and I squeezed back. "I was wondering if maybe, you know, we could… you could…" his voice drifted off into the desert air.

"Listen a bit?" I finished for him. He kicked a scorpion into the fire. We heard the crackling of the deadly arachnid instantly, and we both kind of laughed at this.

"Yea. I mean, I don't have a lot of a soul to bare, but I do need to tell you something."

"Sure thing. Go ahead," I said as we settled beside the fire for a bit.

"I love you."

"Well that was totally unexpected," I said.

That was something that I had heard, but it had never meant anything to me or to the person who said it until now. I looked up at him.

He laughed a bit and continued, "I really don't know how it happened, but something about Hamunaptra made Rick and Evy fall in love, and it made me fall in love with you. I don't know what else to say," he trailed off at that.

I put a hand above his heart, giving him a little confidence boost, and said, "I know what happened there. Those two have found the good stuff, and they are drinking themselves full of it. And I certainly hope that we have found the same stuff. Like I said before, I'm quite out of practice in love. But I do love you, so, so much," I finished, looking deep into his eyes. He smiled a tired smile, and touched his forehead to mine.

We sat there a moment just like that, smiling into each other's eyes. We stood up and hugged, his face resting on my hair and my face into his chest. We parted a moment to go lay down in the sand for the rest of the night. He laid down first; making himself comfortable and then I lay down beside him, nestled in the crook of his arm.

I was nearly asleep in his arms, until I heard Jonathan say something.

"What?" I asked sleepily, turning to face him.

He looked at me with those big, blue eyes and asked, "Will you marry me? I mean I know we've only known each other like two weeks, but it just really feels right."

I stared at him speechless for a moment, and then threw myself at him, kissing him senseless. He was shocked for a moment, but he took it in stride very well, since he soon started kissing me senseless.

"I take it that's a yes, then, eh?" he whispered, smiling sweetly.

"You betcha!" I whispered. I moved closer to him and whispered something only for him, and he blushed a bright red in the dying firelight. I smiled and forced his lips on mine again and he tentatively explored my mouth with his tongue. We parted and braced against each other in the cold night until morning in each other's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning with a pounding head, and an arm around my waist. My eyes followed the arm up to the shoulder and neck and face it was connected to. Memories from last night started flooding back before my eyes.

_Jonathan and I were talking, we played with fire, I cut my arm to find out that I was alive, he confessed that he loved me – wait a minute – he said he loved me! I said I loved him too. We came back here to lie down. He asked me to marry him, and we kissed our brains out. _I looked away from Jonathan Carnahan's sleeping form in shock at the remembrance of what had taken place last night.

I needed to gather my wits so I gently lifted Jonathan's arm from my waist and rolled away from him and laid his arm gently beside his head. I got up and walked around our small campsite. Evy was still asleep on Rick's shoulder and Rick had his shotgun in hand.

The Egyptian sun wasn't far from coming up over the next sand dune so I sat down at the top of the dune to watch the sun rise. I closed my eyes as I felt the first warmth of the sun's rays wash over my face. I inhaled the warm desert air slowly, savoring its ancientness. I opened my eyes and gave the desert the first smile of the morning.

Something inside me stirred, and I realized that it was my stomach growling ravenously. It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. We hadn't brought any food with us when we set out to save Evy from Imhotep, which meant that all of us were just as hungry as I was, maybe even more so.

I heard footsteps behind me so I looked backwards. I saw the spindly legs of a camel behind me. Squinting up in the sunlight, I saw Jonathan smiling down at me from his seat on the camel's hump. I got up and dusted myself off and stood on the left side of the camel, my hand resting lightly on Jonathan's leg. He bent down and kissed me, and then made his camel sit down in the sand so that I could climb on in front of Jonathan.

"Good morning," he said giving me a quirky smile.

"Morning. How's the scarab bite?" I asked, tracing my finger around the exit wound on his shoulder gently.

"It's fine. Just a bit sore is all, but not bad enough to consume my every thought; that's what you're here for," he replied, taking my chin in his free hand. A fierce wind blew against us and I braced against him as he wrapped his arms around me. "How's that self-inflicted wound of yours?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes.

"To tell you the truth, I didn't even look at it this morning," I said as I rolled my sleeve up to reveal the part of my arm that I had cut the night before with my knife. I stopped suddenly, looking at my bare arm. There wasn't a scratch on it, nor a scar aside from the ones that were already there from working on the farm.

"What's wrong, girl?" Jonathan asked worriedly as he took my hand in his.

"There's nothing there; no scratch, scab, scar, nothing," I said as I looked up into his face. "Blood flowed through the nick, but there isn't any trace of it now. Its as if it had never happened. I scraped the wet and dried blood off my arm and it all dripped into the fire last night. Then you asked me if I would listen to what you had to say and you kicked a scorpion into the fire, and it crackled and died in the fire. I…"

"Shh. It's alright," he interrupted. "We both had a long night last night, but things are already looking better to me this morning. The sunrise is gorgeous, and so is the girl I'm with," he said smiling into the back of my head.

I leaned against him comfortably and closed my eyes, letting his warm breath tickle my ear slightly. He didn't smell like he had been fighting off mummies in the desolate sands of Egypt. He smelled like he had just come out of the ocean, fresh and salty. How that was possible, I didn't know, but I also didn't care. I was with the man I loved, and that was all that mattered.

"Hey Jonathan, Rebecca, time to go," we heard Rick call. Jonathan made the camel get up from the sand and steered it back in the direction of the camp. "Are you two ready?" Rick asked as we rode up.

"Sure. We're the ones already on the camel," I said with a winning smile as I took the reins from Jonathan's hands. Rick smiled sarcastically back at me and turned to strap the camel next to him to the saddle on which they had slept the night before. Rick mounted the camel and Evy made her place behind him, wrapping her long, skinny arms around Rick's well-sculpted abdomen. She placed a kiss on the back of his neck and Rick made the camel stand up.

On our way out of our campsite, Jonathan and I passed by the ashes of the campfire. We stopped and I looked down at the remains. "Hey Jonathan," I said, "you know, there should be some remains of that scorpion that you kicked into the fire last night, right?"

"Yes, why?" He replied, looking at me curiously.

"Well, from what I can tell, there isn't anything down there left of the bugger. Maybe he was incinerated," I continued with a shrug of my shoulders and then urged the camel forward to fall into line behind Rick and Evy.

Later, I could feel Jonathan's soft breath on my neck and smiled, knowing that he would probably be asleep pretty soon. "Hey Rick," I yelled forward.

"Yeah," he said as he turned back to talk to me, Evy in his arms already.

"I think I oughta stop a second and get sleeping beauty back here to sit in front of me so he doesn't fall off the camel's backside," I said, nodding my head in Jonathan's direction.

"Alright, I'll wait on you," he said with a warm smile, and held my camel while I switched places with Jonathan. I wrapped my arms underneath his armpits and grabbed the reins from Rick.

"Thank you," I whispered to Rick, knowing that he understood. Jonathan settled slightly against my chest, his head lolled back on my shoulder. I snickered softly at the way he had managed to find sleep. I gently kissed him behind his ear, lingering a moment to take in his sea-salty scent.

I pulled away, deep in thought. The past couple of weeks had been crazy, but I loved it. Adventure, adrenaline, danger. It was amazing, and after having a taste of it, I didn't think that my thirst for it could ever be quenched.

I was focusing on the desert ahead of us, the path that would lead us home, when Jonathan woke up suddenly his eyes big and his muscles tense. I came out of my focused trance and looked at him. "Hey, it's about time you woke up. Didn't you get enough sleep last night?" I asked jokingly.

He looked at me with those huge eyes and then relaxed and stretched as much as his current position would allow him to. "When did we switch places?" He asked, scratching his head trying to remember what had occurred.

"Oh about thirty minutes ago or so. You were so out of it, I was afraid you were going to fall off the backside of this camel."

"Well, thanks. I wouldn't want to do that, now would I?"

"Nope, I don't think so," I replied with a laugh. "What was it you were dreaming that made you wake up in a hurry like you did? You looked like you had seen a ghost or something," I said joking about our encounter with the mummy, Imhotep.

"Oh it was nothing, just a nightmare or something. Nothing major," he relied, taking one of my hands in his own and placing it on his chest.

"Aw, come on, tell me what you dreamt. See if you can scare me," I said trying to draw it out of him.

"No, its silly. Besides, if I tell you, you'll think I'm mental or something," he said waving me off.

"Man, we are in the middle of the desert with no one around for miles, and you are worried about what I'll think if you tell me your nightmare? What makes you think I don't already think you're 'mental or something'?" I asked, craning my neck to look in his face.

"No, I'm not going to tell you," he said, sticking his tongue out childishly and crossing his arms over his chest.

I put a hand on his cheek and said, "Try me."

His demeanor softened and he smiled slightly. "Fine, I'll tell you. It started out with me as a child around fifteen, sitting around the house thinking about what I was going to do with my life; like whether I would follow in my father's footsteps or not. Then it goes to the day that mine and Evy's parents died; I was seventeen and she was just about to turn nine.

Next, it goes to when we moved here to Cairo. Then the day that I picked O'Connell's pocket, and then the day that I met you in the library with Evy. These are all memories, and then my dream turns into the future. I have a family and a kid on the way, and then a midlife crisis.

Almost every second a new scene appears. In each I'm a few years older, chasing my youth as it runs away. The last scene was me when I'm at least 100, and I'm praying for another moment, finally realizing that time is a precious thing to waste. After that, my last breath is what woke me up."

"Well, sounds like you are afraid of growing old alone to me. I could be wrong, but that's what I think it is," I said, looking out at the desert sands. "Sounds like you ought to cherish each moment, each breath you're given."

"Yes, I suppose you're right about that. I haven't been doing that very well lately," he replied, resting his eyes in half slits against the bright, mid-morning sun.


	3. Chapter 3

"Listen, I've been thinking about my arm. It doesn't make any sense that there isn't any mark or evidence that it was scratched or poked with a knife. And there should have been something left of that scorpion in the ashes this morning. There wasn't that much fire left last night when you kicked that stupid thing in there anyway. What could have happened? I mean, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever."

"I wouldn't worry about it, dear. I mean, I don't think that it's that critical to think about. I'll admit it is a bit strange, but you didn't make a huge gaping hole in your arm. It could have healed inside and not left anything on the outside and the scorpion could have jumped out of the fire."

"I guess you're right, but something is different. I FEEL different. I feel like I could take on the entire world before breakfast with one hand tied behind my back. I don't know. Maybe its just 'cause you asked me to marry you last night, or the adrenaline from putting Imhotep down."

"Oh yes, I did do that last night, and I believe you said yes, if I'm not mistaken," Jonathan said with a smile.

I kissed him on the edge of his lips on the cheek and then spurred the camel forward to catch up with Rick and Evy.

"What are you two up to?" Evy asked as we rode up beside them.

"Oh, nothing. Just loving each other's company," I said looking down at Jonathan. "Something tells me that we should switch places. I think I would like to take a nap, if that's alright with you, Jon."

"Oh, yes. That's perfectly alright. We wouldn't want you to get too used to being the one who wears the pants in the family," he replied, sitting up. Rick took the reins from me and I maneuvered around so that I was sitting in front of Jonathan.

Evy looked on, confused, "What do you mean, 'wearing the pants in the family'?"

"Jonathan asked her to marry him last night. She said yes," Rick answered.

"How did you know?" I asked, looking at him with squinted eyes.

"I had to take a piss last night, so I woke up about the time you guys were talking about it," he replied simply.

"Rick," Evy said as she slapped him on the back of the head playfully. "It's not nice to eavesdrop."

"Well you would have heard them too, if you'd have been awake. You were so out of it last night," he stopped, hearing Jonathan and I snickering at them.

"What? What's so funny?" Rick asked, very confused.

"Nothing," I said, regaining my composure as quickly as I could. "Nothing at all." I finished, smiling up at Jonathan, and giving him the eye that said, "Keep a straight face and I won't punch you."

"And I'll shoot both of you," Evy said looking quite annoyed. "What is so funny?"

"Oh, Jonathan needs to get his mind out of the gutter, is all. Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh," I said as I playfully slapped Jonathan.

Silence fell back upon the group as they rode on towards Cairo. Rebecca had known quiet before. She was usually the essence of quiet, sneaking around keeping out of other people's way. This was just all too uncomfortable, even though her newfound love was holding her as she drifted in and out of sleep. She just couldn't get the fact that there wasn't a scratch on her arm from last night out of her head. She tried to think of any reason whatsoever that her arm would be unscathed, but there wasn't one that made any sense.

She went on thinking about it and heard a voice inside her head.

_Do not worry, my child. Thing's will be revealed to you soon. Soon you will understand what you are meant to do, who you are meant to be, but most importantly, what you will become._ The voice died upon the wind in her mind as quickly as it had appeared, and she stared out into the barren desert wondering who had just spoken and what they had meant.

She felt something scratching the inside of her neck and realized that it was Jonathan's now prickly face, nuzzling into her neck.

"Penny for them?" he asked quietly. They fallen into line behind Rick and Evy and were far enough back for them not to pay any attention to them.

"Oh, I don't know. I think you may be paying to much," she said with a small smile.

"I don't know about that. I'd pay just about anything to see you, know what you were thinking."

She laughed at this and said, "You know, I should have let some of those old memories go from my past, but I can't seem to drop them."

"What do you mean," he asked, putting a hand on hers.

"Oh, I don't know. Things remembered from before I went to college with Evy. Things just weren't good then, and the memories that stayed aren't good now. But somehow I just can't bring myself to forgive those that did me wrong. Forgiveness is a bit like a lifeless tire on the shoulder of my soul and it never rolls away."

"You know you always got me, right?"

"Yeah, but you know that I don't hold onto anything new for long, just written down in the pages of my life as just one more tale to tell and then that's it."

"Why is that," he asked in a small, sad voice.

She took a deep breath, knowing what was coming next. "I dropped my guard once and fell pretty hard, so now I don't let anybody in the front gate."

"I see. Well, I want to make it right for you. That is, if you'll let me. I really do love you, Rebecca," he said, turning her around to kiss her lightly.

"Jon, I believe you. I really do, but I've stumbled and kept running, and stayed in the same place my entire life. I'm trying to find where exactly I fit in, and it hasn't worked very well in the past; trying to make the damage done in days past disappear."

"That's what I'm saying! Let me help you. I want to help you out, make that damage disappear. Lean into me, Rebecca," he whispered in her ear.

This took her breath away, and she took the leap of faith and closed her eyes, knowing that she was really trusting someone for the first time and leaned back into Jonathan. She caught her breath and her eyes flew open in sudden realization that he was actually there, there to support her. It was then that she knew that the long road home was well on it way to being beneath her feet.


End file.
